weddings

No, I’m not going to complain about DJing at weddings.  

I’m not going to comment on the over-bearing mother-of-the-bride who stresses about everything.

Or how much it sucks to have to DJ in a tuxedo in the middle of July.

Or the requests for the “chicken dance” and “electric slide” and other ridiculous “songs”.

This complaint is actually about going to weddings.

When you are at a wedding you have to make small talk.  

Stuff like the weather, relationship to the happy couple, and what you do for a living.

Whenever I tell someone at a wedding that I DJ, I always get the same response-

“Why didn’t you DJ this wedding? Well, why don’t you get up there and DJ a bit.”

NO! It doesn’t work like that.  I’m not gonna jump on for a quick set.  

Can’t you just let me enjoy the open bar for a while, please?

I’d like to bask in this glorious display of endless love. 

Or at least start some ending-in-the-morning love with one of the bridesmaids. 

Besides, I’m already trying to filter out the current DJ,

who is train-wrecking between Lil Jon and Frank Sinatra.

And no, I’m not going to get out on the dancefloor.  

I’m used to clubs with young, attractive girls and guys, dancing while high on life (and drugs.)  

Not this leper colony of senior citizens, toddlers, and sad lonely people.

Sometimes there’s a band instead of a DJ.  

That makes it easier on me, because no one tells me to go grab a guitar.

However, people rarely join a wedding band because they are too good for a real band.

Basically, wedding bands are the lowest form of a band, outside of Rock Band on XBox.

Nobody wants to hear five 40-year old men (who still live with their parents) do a cover of Lady Gaga.

What’s that? This is a “dry” wedding? Not even beer and wine? That’s it, I’m out.

 

trainspotting

(No, not the movie.  That kicks ass)

Trainspotting is the term for looking over the DJ’s shoulder to see what he’s playing.

It’s really fucking irritating.

It wasn’t a problem when everyone spun vinyl.
But now we are in the MP3 age and damn near every DJ uses a laptop.

Apparently some people would prefer to look at my computer screen

Instead of dancing, drinking, and having fun. Which makes no sense.

Sometimes I’m in a booth where no one is behind me, so it’s not a problem.
But lots of times I DJ in areas that are more open,

Or have people hanging out in the booth (like friends of owners or promoters)

Other DJs will do it from time to time, even though it’s a known faux pas

They might want to know what song/remix I’m playing so they can get it.

Or they might want to gaze upon the impeccable organization of my music folders.

But they don’t want to actually ask me anything and fear being seen as an inferior DJ

I get that.  But I don’t get when random customers come up and start doing it.

What’s the point?

Are you excited that you will know the next song 10 seconds before everyone else does?

Are you going to really remember the name of the song and download it tomorrow?

Are you going to make some suggestions? (Here’s a suggestion – Don’t.)
You don’t look over the shoulder of a painter or writer or, hell, even an accountant.

You wouldn’t want someone looking over your shoulder at work, would you?

Especially with the amount of time you spend playing minesweeper in your cubicle.

“you suck!”

Telling a DJ they suck is not going to get your request played.

Yelling it, however, may get you choked.

First of all, it’s just rude, crass, and ignorant.

I don’t suck simply because I won’t play your request.

Maybe I already played it.

Maybe you are in a hip hop club requesting dubstep.

Maybe I just don’t like you.

Telling me that I suck and that you/your cousin/your cat is better is pointless

All you are going to do is piss me off, which guarantees I won’t play your song.

Obviously, not all DJs are created equally.

Some DJs are certainly not as skilled as others.

Pointing this out isn’t your job though.

It’s the job of other DJs who want those gigs to complain about on twitter.

dj names

DJ monikers are a necessary evil.  We feel we need a clever, catchy name to get booked and make us superstars.

But mostly they just get in the way.

music blog nerds

I made an earlier post about people who don’t know what they were talking about when requesting music.

(Actually, many posts about that.)

But the flip side sucks too – when people think they know it all about music.

other DJs

DJs won’t admit this, but I’ll let everyone in on the secret.

DJs hate other DJs.

We’ll be friends with other DJs, hang out with them, talk shop and stuff.

But in the back of our minds, we really can’t stand those fucking fuckers.

celebrity DJs

Not a week goes by that I don’t get a party flyer emailed to me advertising

“Celebrity DJ” X at Shitty Overpriced Nightclub Y (hosted by My Dad’s Money Promo Company Z)

First of all, the word “celebrity” is way overused.