New Year’s Eve

Originally, I wasn’t going to do a post about New Year’s Eve.

It seemed like Halloween, but with fancy clothes instead of stupid costumes.

But the more I think about it, the more I hate NYE.

weddings

No, I’m not going to complain about DJing at weddings.  

I’m not going to comment on the over-bearing mother-of-the-bride who stresses about everything.

Or how much it sucks to have to DJ in a tuxedo in the middle of July.

Or the requests for the “chicken dance” and “electric slide” and other ridiculous “songs”.

This complaint is actually about going to weddings.

When you are at a wedding you have to make small talk.  

Stuff like the weather, relationship to the happy couple, and what you do for a living.

Whenever I tell someone at a wedding that I DJ, I always get the same response-

“Why didn’t you DJ this wedding? Well, why don’t you get up there and DJ a bit.”

NO! It doesn’t work like that.  I’m not gonna jump on for a quick set.  

Can’t you just let me enjoy the open bar for a while, please?

I’d like to bask in this glorious display of endless love. 

Or at least start some ending-in-the-morning love with one of the bridesmaids. 

Besides, I’m already trying to filter out the current DJ,

who is train-wrecking between Lil Jon and Frank Sinatra.

And no, I’m not going to get out on the dancefloor.  

I’m used to clubs with young, attractive girls and guys, dancing while high on life (and drugs.)  

Not this leper colony of senior citizens, toddlers, and sad lonely people.

Sometimes there’s a band instead of a DJ.  

That makes it easier on me, because no one tells me to go grab a guitar.

However, people rarely join a wedding band because they are too good for a real band.

Basically, wedding bands are the lowest form of a band, outside of Rock Band on XBox.

Nobody wants to hear five 40-year old men (who still live with their parents) do a cover of Lady Gaga.

What’s that? This is a “dry” wedding? Not even beer and wine? That’s it, I’m out.

 

promoters

Promoter.  The perfect occupation for a 21 year-old douche with a

modest trust fund who’s only discernible skill is “likes to party.”

They all talk a big game about how hot their parties are

and how deep their email list is

and how they can get people out every night of the week.

new year’s eve

Originally, I wasn’t going to do a post about New Year’s Eve.

It seemed like Halloween, but with fancy clothes instead of stupid costumes.

But the more I think about it, the more I hate NYE.

halloween

First of all, Halloween is one of those nights that industry workers refer to as an “Amateur Night”.

That’s because a lot of people who never go out, go out on Halloween.

They don’t know their limits, they feel invincible in their costumes, and act stupid.

This results in lots of yelling, poor decision-making, and projectile vomiting (good times!)

your birthday

Everyone likes to celebrate their birthday.  I get that.
But just because it’s your birthday and your daddy says your special, doesn’t mean you have to fuck up my night.
So, no I cannot turn the music off so your friends can sing “Happy Birthday” to you.