Special – How To Become a Superstar DJ in 6 Easy Steps

Hey! Have you ever thought to yourself “Man, I love music. I have almost 500 songs on my iPod.  I can probably play one song following another song.  I should be a DJ.” Or have you been DJing in your basement for years, thinking “I’m better than those DJs playing at the club.  I need to play for larger audiences than just my mom’s cats.” Well, StuffDJsHate.com is here to help. We are in a time when any former Playboy bunny or reality TV “star” can get paid ridiculous sums of money to DJ. Here’s your quick and easy guide to getting your share…


You’re gonna need some expensive equipment to be a DJ.

No, not turntables.  Don’t worry about those.  You won’t have to use them.

If you already own a laptop, you are half way there.

Now you just need a DJ program (or App if you are using an iPad) and songs.

This is one of the few times you don’t want to steal all of your music.

I recommend joining one of the online record pools and downloading the top 50 or so most popular files on there.

Make sure you have plenty of the ones labeled “Transition”.  This makes it easier to act like you are mixing.


Start a MySpace Music page, a Facebook page, and a Twitter account.

Beg as many people to “Like” you, “Follow” you, and basically “be” your “friend”.

It helps to find other upstart DJs and trade follows with them.

It is of no importance whether or not these people have ever met you.

You just want to be able to say that you have hundreds, if not thousands, of followers when promoters ask you. (see below)


It’s important to stand out, and skill and talent have very little to do with that.

First of all, try to be really attractive.

Better yet, try to be a really attractive female.

If that doesn’t work, find another way to get noticed.

White guys – grow a ‘fro or silly facial hair. Black guys – get a mohawk or dress like a New England prep schooler.

Try anything.  Wear a mask.  Dress like a clown (you could be DJ Bozo). The possibilities are endless.


You are going to need a demo mix to prove that you are an awesome DJ and not just a pretty face (or a sad clown).

Go online and download the mix of a highly paid (and possibly respected) DJ.

Study the mix intently.  Make sure there are no “drops” or places where it is evident who made the mix.

Then burn the mix to a CD and say you made it.

Put your promo picture on it, make some copies, and start handing them out.


You are going to work with a promoter in order to get booked at most high-end night clubs.

The promoters don’t really care about your talent, they just want to know what you can do for them.

So, offer to save them money by working for a third of what they are paying their current DJs.

Talk about how many people you bring out (this is when you brag about your ridiculous amount of “friends” from above)

Or offer them blow.  Or offer to blow them.  Or both.

Once you are in with a promoter, you’ll get some gigs, which brings us to the final step.


Make sure you get a choice time slot from your promoter pal.

You want to play when the crowd is drunk and already dancing, so you won’t have to do much work.

Play the most popular tracks you have.

If it’s a bit earlier in the night, play the least popular first and work your way up.

If it’s later at night, play the most popular one first and work your way down the list.

Don’t worry if anyone plays before or after you.  Fuck those guys.

Make sure you look like you are turning dials, listening to your headphones, or doing some fake scratches.

Every now and then, take a step back and fist pump.

Now, take advantage of those drink tickets and bask in your awesomeness.  You earned it.


24 Responses to “Special – How To Become a Superstar DJ in 6 Easy Steps”

  1. February 9, 2011 at 7:00 AM

    It sucks how true this is and it’s hard to continue to pursue DJing without feeling like this kind of a fool at times. You gotta start somewhere but there are definitely people out there who genuinely have no skill or real drive to be good but rather to be noticed.

  2. 3 dj bryan c
    February 9, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    So very true….sadly

  3. 4 richard
    February 10, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    You forgot to cover the sync button.

  4. February 10, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    I love it!!! Finally someone put in words what all “real” DJs feel.

  5. 6 Civil
    February 10, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    I’m a fairly new DJ. I’m slowly inching to make my skills known. I’ve had people tell me, “no turntables need”, I got them! Also, “it’s all about Facebook friends, just press the friend request button”, I forbide to! If I make it I make it, if I don’t, I won’t! I love learning something new about djing. The feel of one person in the crowd listening to the mix that was beatmatched and not auto synced is incredible. Funny that there are new djs undercutting me and I’m new to the game. Go figure! It’s my hobby not job but I will love it forever.

  6. February 13, 2011 at 5:57 PM

    We have Serato to thank for this.

  7. February 16, 2011 at 11:23 AM

    Sadly every point in this list is spot on. I manage my brother, he has all the passion and skill required for a ‘DJ’ (whatever that means now a days)
    but he doesn’t really care about working on promoting his ‘dj name’, his image or whatever things ‘djs’ need to do now a days. Its his love for connecting the crowd together emotionally that keeps him djing. I’ve learned the sad truth of this article thru first hand experience, minus the gimmick promoter and drunk hour dj slot times, (maybe thats why we’ve only gotten this far lol)

  8. 9 dj ghetto blonde
    February 16, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    The saddest thing abt this is the fact that some club owners fall for this ish. I’ve lost a gig over not having a lot of followers. Im a great DJ …not such a fab tweeter. Sucks! Then the dude that got the gig only uses virtual DJ. Never used a vinyl in his life! Ok that is all. 🙂 btw…the club patrons found my new spot. Club lost biz…but hey the DJ has wayyyy more followers than me!

  9. February 18, 2011 at 1:10 AM

    This is dead on brother! and people wonder why I barely do club gig’s anymore… smh…

  10. 12 THIS guy
    February 18, 2011 at 4:28 AM


  11. 13 DJ MouthDisk
    February 21, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    While this is true for most DJ’s, it is certainly not true for me. I started out playing simple gigs and using good old-fashioned word of mouth gain notoriety. But these new fangled DJ’s came in and they’ve been messin up da vibe, mang.

    So I took it one step further and had both a CDJ and a Vinyl turntable installed in both my mouth and my ass, one of each in each. Now the promoters know I’m professional and mah badonkadonk is one of the largest they’ve ever seen, so is my mouth!

    Needless to say, I hook dat shit up down to some wire-less transmitters and walk around the club shaking mah badankadonk while I play.

  12. February 23, 2011 at 1:06 AM

    Sad but true on so many levels…however…getting turntables (and using them) will now make you stand out as a DJ.
    Bring back vinyl I say!

  13. February 24, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    I’ve seen alot of DJ’s come & GO, these kids see pictures, images on TV, & such of someone scratching a record, wearing a set of headphones and think, “Hey, I want to be a DJ”, I want to LOOK cool, get paid to party, then they ask to be a part of my team, I hire them and hand them a Dolly instead of a Microphone. I tell them, “you get to Haul equipment, your a grunt worker, a Crab, you have to earn your way onto the Microphone and behind the sound board. You have to learn to follow, & be part of a team before you can be a team leader. If your gonna represent my Company, my good name, you have to start out Humble, at the bottom. Great DJ’s lead by example.
    And if you dont like it, then buy your own gear, get your own gigs, bring your best game, every time, ALL the time, cause you KNOW I will, and may the best team win!
    Allen Durham-MusicMasters of East Texas
    2010-2011 Best of the Best Winner–East Texas DJ Services

  14. 16 PonchoParty
    February 25, 2011 at 11:12 PM

    This is very true, however I think that not accepting the new wave of technology that is incorporating itself into DJing is not the best idea. People did the same thing when CD decks first started arriving, complaining that only vinyl DJs had the “true skill”. Software like Ableton live paired with controllers such as Monomes, APC40s, etc. are changing the way of the DJ slowly but surely. Having personally switched over from CDs to Ableton, I am really enjoying the seemingly endless amounts of possibilities that Ableton offers it’s users, not only in DJing but also in production. Yes, beatmatching is a very good skill to have, and all DJs should know how. Does that mean that a DJ who uses a different system other than vinyl or CDJs has no talent/is a fake though? Not at all. Embrace new technologies that come your way and take advantage of the opportunities that they have to offer, or continue to push them away and eventually you will get left behind. Choice is yours.

  15. February 28, 2011 at 2:05 AM

    As you can see, getting a spot light i not about what you can do, it’s all about shitballing people in order to get attention.

  16. 18 Moreno
    February 28, 2011 at 5:50 AM

    I adore the shit ut of this page and this dude. Yo, is there a FB page for StuffDjsHate?? Hook me up.

    Every single word feels like shit I´ve carried inside of me for years as a DJ and you´re putting words on it hahahaha…….

    Fuck it, only problema is that it´s only real DJs that would understand… Yo keep it up homes!

  17. 19 DJAutosync
    February 28, 2011 at 4:22 PM

    No disrespect to StuffDJsHate as I find the content here absolutely hilarious, however I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying this.

    I don’t understand all the hate towards auto sync, or the use of software such as Serato or Traktor. When you go to see a great action film, do you walk out of the theater because the animators used Mocap instead of traditional keyframing? Or maybe you are so hardcore you would walk out because they used CG FX instead of stop motion photography… This is a new age, technology is taking every form of media to new heights. This kind of behavior is elitist or maybe you prefer “oldschool”, but truthfully it just makes you plain OLD.

    I’m a game developer by trade and DJ as a hobbyist using Traktor with a VCI-100 SE. I’m not toying with this because I delusions of being some great superstar DJ or need to have my ego stroked. I do it because I love music. I have played the piano since I was five, sax through junior high to highschool, wrote and produced my own music (electronica) in my early twenties. My taste in music has shifted towards electro-house, dubstep and breaks and have a new found interest in DJing, as well as producing once again. I find software like Traktor or Serato allows me to be creative and flexible without having to worry about all the tedious and repetitive crap that bogs you down. I KNOW I can beatmatch (believe it or not you can still do this with software and controllers). The question is WHY in the world would I want to be bothered with this if I don’t have to? The listeners certainly don’t care, the promoter doesn’t care as you’ve pointed out. Nobody seems to give a shit about this except for other “oldschool” DJs….

    While the post concerning talentless hacks faking their way to top gigs is sad/true, something to think about is.. early adapters have always been the most successful in every aspect of life. It’s cool if you want to stick to oldschool methods, it’s a respectable skill like… I don’t know chiseling wood vs using a lathe. But some people (including myself) realize that the music is what is important. How many times have you wished people could hear the music you hear in your creative mind? What if they had the technology to make that a reality? Would you adapt or continue fighting to preserve something that nobody cares about?

    • 20 DJHERO
      March 8, 2011 at 1:40 PM

      i always hear this argument from people who cant mix. you’re delusional as all hell. quit pretending you’re doing the same thing as someone doing it all by ear/hand. the main problem is essentially duping everyone into thinking you’re mixing the beats together yourself. its not that the listeners dont care but the fact that they generally dont know whats going on up there.

      id like to see you explain to them that the software was doing the hard work and you were only triggering the effects, loops, and samples which magically stay on beat and acting as glorified playlist. there are ableton setups that EQ your shit for you too so you cant fuck it up. your super awesome music selection and effects can never make up for this.

      ive played dj hero on ps3 and ive also played auto sync on tcv. guess what? dj hero requires more skill. everyone who’s been doing this thing for more than a month realizes this.

      if you would take the time to actually learn your craft, you would realize you can do everything you’re doing now while beatmatching via this thing called skill..most people using auto-sync make the copout argument that it allows them time to do x amount of other shit. id argue that it makes your mix less creative at this point due to a complete lack of understanding of what it takes to be a dj.

      ive seen people that have been “djing” for 20 years and still cant beatmatch for shit. if you cant figure it out, you have no business calling yourself a dj. while not rocket science, its the filter for keeping wack untalented douchebags from forcing their crap upon the rest of us. keep working on it in your bedroom and at house parties until such time you can actually play your god damn instrument. yes. instrument. just because you cant do something doesnt mean its boring. if you’ve ever actually mixed 2 tracks together successfully without the aid of software, you would know its anything but boring sucka dj.

      its cool though, you’re all gonna be screwed when itunes eats up traktor and rebrands it or the next dj hero is a midi controller.

      • 21 DigitalMind
        April 19, 2011 at 12:55 AM

        Digital DJing software is the future. Vinyl (no disrespect to vinyl DJs as I was once one) is the horse and buggy of the DJing industry while Laptop DJing is the gas powered vehicle. If you don’t learn to adapt and trade in your horse for a Hemi, you’re gonna get left behind like the ignorant dinosaur you are.

        Do you prefer typing over paper and pen? The phone over 2 cans and a string? Or maybe you would have liked to write your reply on a scroll with a quill and had a messenger bird carry it to it’s destination?

        Get a life dude, vinyl is dead.

  18. 23 DJAutosync
    March 14, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    Your reply is angry and makes a lot of assumptions. I never said I couldn’t beatmatch, I just don’t need to. It isn’t exactly rocket science, nor is it some epic physical feat (see below). It’s not even the most important aspect of DJing. Anyone with two ears, two hands, a basic understanding of math and sense of rhythm can learn to do this. The point was that just because some DJs DONT beatmatch, doesn’t mean they don’t know how, and more importantly, nobody fucking cares except people like you lol.

    P.S. I don’t really understand your whole DJHero example, but since you brought it up. DJHero2 on Expert is infinitely harder than beatmatching, and further proves that this technique is technically/physically not all that impressive. Keep defending your ancient skills that nobody cares about.

  19. December 30, 2011 at 3:29 AM

    ‘Keep defending your ancient skills that nobody cares about…’ I believe I will… and the new ones I gain or improve every day… I guess you can say about anything you want in a flaming thread such as this as long as it doesn’t get bleeped… What I don’t get is how you manage to speak so loudly, seemingly believing your own brand of pure bullshit… Lean on a technicality… It doesn’t make it any less bullshit. Fine, so you’ve got a position of sorts to defend… You see all this talk as a threat, so you couldn’t help but speak up, repeating also the bullshit you were sold… one tidbit being how you’ve been empowered to step on out there with creative lies… as if the coast was clear… that dinosaurs were extinct… Say whatever you want or that you’ve heard that sounds good or valid… That’s all you really know how to do… So I can’t blame you there… Someone mentioned delusional… The grand total of ideas and tradition that made what we do seem cool to you and those that created the market and marketing strategy – married up with the toys and illusions that ultimately hit you smack in the head – well… we’re still around… You’re the absurd anomaly… that’s been tricked into thinking you actually belong to something… and you must feel the insecurity of it or you wouldn’t be so trigger-happy, trying to counter the threat to your own slack position… I mean, you’re obviously not dumb… and not delusional…. that’s a bit pejorative… Disillusioned, YES….. illustrated by the fact that you don’t understand what you say carries no weight… repeating much of the same, seemingly well-reasoned, but bullshit that empowered you… so here you are… Shut the fuck up already… jesus. We’re all certain you like what you do… Go crazy doing it… Do a great job at it… Keep thinkin what you’re thinkin… i.e. that somehow you’re ‘ahead’… and that you have “unlimited creative freedom”… and keep runnin your mouth, believing that it won’t affect you…. I think the more you do that, the sooner you’ll see the counter aspects you’re taking a stance against now… and you still won’t be part of anything you’d like to be… you’ll be excluded, but more so than you are now… you won’t have any options….

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