Stuff DJs Hate

New Year’s Eve

stuffdjshate — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 07:59:33 +0000

Originally, I wasn’t going to do a post about New Year’s Eve.

It seemed like Halloween, but with fancy clothes instead of stupid costumes.

But the more I think about it, the more I hate NYE.

First of all, it is the most Amateur of all Amateur Nights.

Every year I’ve DJed on NYE, I’ve seen drunks get carried out…before midnight.

Plus most places charge ridiculous amounts for their NYE party package,

so people think they are entitled to unlimited requests with their unlimited cheap champagne.

And at an NYE party, all people want to hear are the big hits from the past year.

So, not only do I have to play the most recent B.E.P. song,

but I have to play the other 4 that were the “greatest song ever, OMG!” this year.

Then there’s the countdown, which is what the party is all about anyway.

Usually the manager/owner/promoter is too busy trying to give champagne to cute girls

so he forgets to coordinate the countdown with the actual time and fucks it up.

Counting backward is difficult for drunk people, so this is important.

At midnight, I have to play ‘Auld Lang Syne‘ while people make out for five minutes.

(While I stand in the booth and make out with a bottle of Veuve. Bonus!)

Then after playing that slow, Scottish song, I have to jump right back into dance music.

The rest of the night is basically poor dancing, awkward make-outs, and people puking.

But, at least it gives DJs a chance to charge five times their usual rate.

your stupid f’ing phone

stuffdjshate — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 06:42:42 +0000

As noted in a previous post, phones today hold a ton of music.

This is creating a new trend – one that I can’t fucking stand.

You come up to the booth and just shove your phone/ipod/walkman in my face.

You don’t say anything, you just expect me to play the song on your phone.

If I say I don’t have it (ie – I don’t want to play it) you hand me your phone and expect me to plug it into the mixer.

It doesn’t work like that for so many reasons that I won’t even get into it.

Then there’s other people who write their requests on their phone’s notepad app thing.

They shove their phone in my face and want me to read it.

As much as I don’t want to talk to you, I really don’t want to have to read shit off your phone.

So, unless you are Helen Keller, please use your words.

what songs do you have?

stuffdjshate — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 06:59:39 +0000

This would have been a stupid question back in the days of carrying crates

Now, it’s just ridiculous

I have a 500 GB hard drive on my laptop and an external drive with another 500 gigs

Shit, I have a thousand songs on my phone!

Would you like me to start reading off all my songs in alphabetical order? By artist or title?

Or maybe I should just print out a list. It’ll be about 1300 pages and weight 19 pounds though.

Damn. Do you also go into the supermarket and ask “What do you have to eat?”

sending girls to make requests

stuffdjshate — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:47:35 +0000

Sometimes when I’m playing Top 40 stuff for the crowd, a guy will come up and request some gangsta rap or heavy metal (yes, people actually request metal).
About 2 minutes after I politely decline his request, a young lass will come up and make the identical request, maybe with a flash of cleavage and a wink.

Most girls in clubs request poppy stuff like BEP, Miley, and GaGa. Not many girls request BDP, Motorhead, or Gangstarr.
Nice try, but I didn’t fall for your little ruse.
If the request sucked when a guy asked, it will still suck when a girl asks.

“I’m about to leave”

stuffdjshate — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:41:52 +0000

This one always cracks me up.

And it’s always a girl who says it.

“Can you play my request now? We are about to leave.”

Never mind the fact that all your friends are dancing and having a good time.

Or that they just bought a new round of drinks.

You want me to think you are about to leave,

so I NEED to play your request RIGHT NOW.

I guess you expect to hear “NOOOOOOO! Don’t leave! Wait just 1 more second!”

Nope! Not happening. I don’t care.

Shit, I don’t even think your friends will care if you leave.

Do you try this trick everywhere you go?

Tired of waiting in line at the DMV?

Just tell the nice lady at the counter that you are about to leave,

so you NEED that new license RIGHT NOW.

“play MY song”

stuffdjshate — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 22:05:38 +0000

Let’s start this post with a few scientifically proven facts.

FACT – The average girl has 374 “most favorite song ever” songs between the ages of 16 and 25.

FACT – In a typical bar, 72% of these girls currently have the same exact “my song”.

FACT – Whatever song is currently your “jam” will only be your “jam” for another 24.6 days.

Ok. Enough science. (Thanks to the Department of Made Up Numbers for those stats)

Basically, telling a DJ to play a song because it is “your song” is really, really annoying.

First of all, I don’t care what is currently “your song.”

No, wait. That’s kinda mean. What I meant was…

If I play a song that happens to be “your song,” then I definitely did it on purpose.

And it IS really important that you hear “your song” because it will always be “your song.”

I’m positive you won’t have a new favorite song in three weeks.

And now that I have played “your song” I am sure you are certain to have a fantastic time tonight

You will keep dancing and having fun all night, and definitely won’t need to hear “your song” again.

Nope. You definitely won’t be asking for me to play “your song” again in 15 minutes.

I realize that you only got to hear “your song” on your ipod 20 times today.

So, yes, I will definitely play this song that you are currently claiming to own.

Oh, and by the way, Justin Beiber is definitely talking about you when he sings “Baby”.

texts messages

stuffdjshate — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 17:03:58 +0000

This is another annoyance that is caused by people who actually do know the DJ.

So, although I don’t complain to your face, this is how I really feel-

DON’T TEXT ME NONSENSE WHEN YOU KNOW I’M WORKING.

If I say to you “come by tonight, the party should be hot.”

Don’t text me with

“Yo, how’s it gonna be tonight?”

Or “Is the party crackin’ yet?”

Or “Can you get my friend in? She’s only 14, but looks older.”

I told you to come by, so just come by

(but leave the jailbait at home, you creep)

For the love of God, please don’t text with “Can you come get me in?”

I’m DJing right now! I can’t leave the booth to come grab you out of line

and hold your hand as I escort you in to the club.

And once you do get to the party, don’t text me with requests.

I get enough annoying requests from the drunk girls on the dancefloor.

The last thing I need is for you to be blowing up my phone

asking me to play some Justin Beiber for your girl

(what did I say about her, man?!?)

I only want to use my phone for emergencies.

And possibly for checking Twitter and my Facebook fan page.

And, ok, maybe for booty calls