New Year’s Eve

Originally, I wasn’t going to do a post about New Year’s Eve.

It seemed like Halloween, but with fancy clothes instead of stupid costumes.

But the more I think about it, the more I hate NYE.

your stupid f’ing phone

As noted in a previous post, phones today hold a ton of music.

This is creating a new trend – one that I can’t fucking stand.

You come up to the booth and just shove your phone/ipod/walkman in my face.

You don’t say anything, you just expect me to play the song on your phone.

what songs do you have?

This would have been a stupid question back in the days of carrying crates

Now, it’s just ridiculous

I have a 500 GB hard drive on my laptop and an external drive with another 500 gigs

Shit, I have a thousand songs on my phone!

sending girls to make requests

Sometimes when I’m playing Top 40 stuff for the crowd, a guy will come up and request some gangsta rap or heavy metal (yes, people actually request metal).
About 2 minutes after I politely decline his request, a young lass will come up and make the identical request, maybe with a flash of cleavage and a wink.

“I’m about to leave”

This one always cracks me up.

And it’s always a girl who says it.

“Can you play my request now?  We are about to leave.”

“play MY song”

Let’s start this post with a few scientifically proven facts.

FACT – The average girl has 374 “most favorite song ever” songs between the ages of 16 and 25.

FACT – In a typical bar, 72% of these girls currently have the same exact “my song”.

FACT – Whatever song is currently your “jam” will only be your “jam” for another 24.6 days.

Ok.  Enough science.          (Thanks to the Department of Made Up Numbers for those stats)

Basically, telling a DJ to play a song because it is “your song” is really, really annoying.

First of all, I don’t care what is currently “your song.”  

No, wait.  That’s kinda mean.  What I meant was…

If I play a song that happens to be “your song,” then I definitely did it on purpose.

And it IS really important that you hear “your song” because it will always be “your song.”

I’m positive you won’t have a new favorite song in three weeks.

And now that I have played “your song” I am sure you are certain to have a fantastic time tonight

You will keep dancing and having fun all night, and definitely won’t need to hear “your song” again.

Nope.  You definitely won’t be asking for me to play “your song” again in 15 minutes.

I realize that you only got to hear “your song” on your ipod 20 times today.

So, yes, I will definitely play this song that you are currently claiming to own. 

Oh, and by the way, Justin Beiber is definitely talking about you when he sings “Baby”.

 

texts messages

This is another annoyance that is caused by people who actually do know the DJ.

So, although I don’t complain to your face, this is how I really feel-

DON’T TEXT ME NONSENSE WHEN YOU KNOW I’M WORKING.

If I say to you “come by tonight, the party should be hot.”

Don’t text me with

“Yo, how’s it gonna be tonight?”

Or “Is the party crackin’ yet?”

Or “Can you get my friend in? She’s only 14, but looks older.”

I told you to come by, so just come by

(but leave the jailbait at home, you creep)

For the love of God, please don’t text with “Can you come get me in?”

I’m DJing right now! I can’t leave the booth to come grab you out of line

and hold your hand as I escort you in to the club.

And once you do get to the party, don’t text me with requests.

I get enough annoying requests from the drunk girls on the dancefloor.

The last thing I need is for you to be blowing up my phone

asking me to play some Justin Beiber for your girl

(what did I say about her, man?!?)

I only want to use my phone for emergencies.  

And possibly for checking Twitter and my Facebook fan page.  

And, ok, maybe for booty calls